We are not worthy!
It’s been a busy week and I’m conscious of the fact that some things that are important for my wellbeing have been pushed onto the backburner.
In jumps the part of me that feels I should have done better, and I notice an immediate shrinking and loss of energy.
I know I am not alone; I speak to clients and friends who set such high standards for themselves and who quickly feel beaten down by the harsh voice of their inner critic when these standards are not met.
Chasing the feeling of “I am worthy” often means a lifetime of trying to achieve things. It can result in the creation of a lifestyle that is all about dedicating time to productivity, and a focus on tasks yet to be completed.
To be someone, can often mean providing evidence of achieving something.
Feelings of worth come from doing, rather than being.
How often do we find ourselves in social situations with conversation starters that ask, “what do you do?”, “what have you done?”, “what are you doing?”
These external pressures add weight to the “not good enough” narrative.
There may be temporary relief when we tick a task off the list, but the urge to prove ourselves (beyond any doubt!) can see that bar being set higher and higher.
Add into the mix a dose of comparing ourselves to others and we have concocted the perfect cocktail for our inner critic! And our inner critic, after a few cocktails, gets loud!
Does this resonate for you?
Maybe reflect on these questions:
Q. Do you seek external validation for your self-worth?
Relying on external validation can increase anxiety because it is outside of our control. Fear that it will be taken away at any moment is always present and feeds into the need to do more and more.
Q. Do you find that your rarely give yourself credit for your accomplishments?
Internalised negative judgements in relation to bragging/arrogance, never having been given praise in childhood, or being mocked or criticised for doing well, can result in a feeling that it is safer to keep quiet about achievements and focus instead on finding other ways to measure up.
It can be helpful to:
Reflect on the wisdom of some of those internalised messages about your self-worth? Could they be wrong? Forget what others think - what is important to you?
Encourage a goal of being “good enough” rather than perfect.
Consider what your internalised judgements are about sharing successes and whether they cause you to shrink back.
Reflect on the things you have accomplished and give yourself the credit you deserve.
Consider redefining who you are outside of the things you do. How do you want to be?
Listen to your gut about the experiences that bring you joy and set aside quality time to immerse yourself in those.
Life is not a race to be won, but a beautiful journey to be savored...and you are worthy!